Happy New Year!

It's New Year's Eve, and I'm sitting at home. :-P I don't normally do anything for New Year's, might watch a movie or something, but it's not a big deal. Last year at this time, Josh and I were celebrating New Year's with some of his friends -- we had such a great time. This year, he's playing video games and I'm 1,200 miles away drinking chai tea, answering emails and blogging. What a bummer!

I wish all my friends a wonderful 2007 -- may God bless you richly. Love you guys! :-)

Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

Yeah, so I've been a bit of a slacker and didn't get a "Merry Christmas" post up. I hope you all had a great day, however you spent it. :-)

December has been kind of a blah month for me -- up and down and all over the place. My Christmas Eve was very quiet. Sheldon worked until 4:00, and the boys spent the afternoon/evening with their dad. They had a good time. I went to church by myself at 9:30 p.m. That was a bit of a bummer. Church itself was good, but I missed having my kids there with me, and I missed having my close friend Lana and her girls there (the nasty flu bug hit their household). Christmas Eve is usually so "routine" for us, and I really missed the hugs and exchange of gifts and good wishes, etc.

I also was feeling pretty down when I left church and walked home. My mom left a gift for me (since we wouldn't see each other the next day). Didn't give it to me, but told my sister it was there for me as she left (catching a ride home with someone). That was fine... however, she is refusing to give gifts to my kids, because she says they didn't thank her previously. So that was hurtful. She had gifts for others, but not her grandchildren. (She gave to the other grandchildren, but not my kids.) My kids aren't little, and they brushed it off... but I was hurt, even if they weren't (or acted like they weren't). It feels like she is doing this -- in some weird way -- because she is still upset with me, and that instead of dealing with that, she's taking it out on my kids. It might not be that way, but that's how it feels. It's all very strange and dysfunctional. *sigh*

I talked to Chantelle a little while after I got home, very briefly, and that was good. I had a long chat with Josh, and that helped. It always does. :-)

On Christmas Day, Robbie, Sheldon & I went to Moose Jaw and spent the day with my aunt & uncle. We had a great time. It was the first Christmas that they (aunt & uncle)had spent without my grandma, and their daughter was home but left early Christmas morning, so that was really different and I think kind of tough for them. We had to agree that it was definitely an odd Christmas this year. But we did have fun with them. :-)

Chantelle called last night and we had time for a longer talk. That was really nice. She had a good Christmas with friends, and they will spend New Year's together as well before going their separate ways.

It's snowing lots here today... Brrrrr.....

Okay, back to work. ;-)

I need to buy the new Todd Agnew CD...

... "Do You See What I See?" I totally forgot when I was in Saskatoon. I think I'll have to order it on Amazon, but it won't be till after Christmas. That's okay, I just wish I would have remembered it before so I would have it for this season. His talent is so amazing....

I wrapped most of the Christmas presents today (not that there were alot). I need to do the ones for the boys yet, but that won't take long. I have a couple of things that I ordered online that haven't arrived yet -- I'm hoping they get here in time.

We had our Lessons & Carols service at church today. It was nice, but there were only a few of us there due to a nasty stomach flu that is going around here. Yuck...

I went to the high school's musical drama production on Friday night. It was really good, the kids did a great job. The school has done drama's for many years, but last year was the first time they attempted a musical, and they've done great. There is alot of talent there, especially when you consider how small our school is.

Loneliness....

I was feeling kind of lonely the past couple of days. It's something that comes and goes. Been missing Josh... been missing my girl... Christmas seems to make things worse.

Chantelle is talking of moving to Toronto when she gets back from Australia. *sigh* That's even farther away than Calgary. Sheldon is excited for graduation and talks about moving out. Which is a good thing, but tough for me at the same time. Josh is too stinking far away. (Toronto is actually farther... blah...)

Such is life...

I'm actually okay today. Or at least at the moment... lol.

In other news.... :-P Sheldon got his car, a 2002 Cavalier, deep midnight blue. Very nice! He worked his tail off the past few months to pay off his other car and save for a down payment. He is quite pleased, and deserves to be. He's playing basketball this weekend, an out-of-town tournament. They won their first game last night so they were pretty excited. They are up against some even tougher teams today, so I hope they do good. It's just the start of the season, but they haven't lost a game yet -- an encouraging start. :-)

Chantelle has been fruit picking in Bundaberg for the past couple of weeks, with a German girl that she met at Surfer's Paradise. They worked 11 hour days, but made good money. I think they are heading back to Surfer's soon, where they will meet back up with a couple of other friends and spend Christmas and New Year's there. Then she'll be off to explore other parts of Australia.

My aunt and uncle invited the boys and I to spend Christmas Day with them -- my cousin and her friend Brent will be there, and my uncle's sister. I think it could be fun. Hopefully the weather will be good for traveling. It's only an hour away, but I don't like traveling when the weather is bad.

I got a start on my Christmas shopping, but am really stuck on what to get for a few people. It seems that buying gifts has become more stressful than fun for the most part. How did that happen? I'm becoming a Scrooge! Yikes!

*~*~*~*
Currently playing: Far Away ~ Nickelback

Moving???

No, not me... :-P

But maybe the library. We are in an old building that has served many different purposes long before it was ever the library. It's okay, but needs work, and my biggest issue is that we've had flooding and water leaks in the past, and I am afraid of what is growing underneath the carpet!!! Seriously! We had a leak in the bathroom earlier this year, and water seeped outside the bathroom onto the carpeted area... and we had some really funky-looking fungus growing out of the carpet!!! REALLY GROSS! I mean, how healthy can that be?! :-S

We've been talking for awhile about the possibility of moving to another building, and now the opportunity has come up that might make that a reality. There is a recently vacant building that is currently up for tender, and the board chairperson and I are going to the Town Council meeting tonight to put forth a proposal for them to consider bidding on the building (they could get it for peanuts) for the library. (The Town is required to provide a building for us.)

The purchase of the building probably wouldn't be a big issue, but the necessary funds to do some renovations and to make it wheelchair accessible might be the stickler. But we're going to give it a shot!

I was a bit hesitant about this building before, not being very familiar with the layout, but I've had a good look at it now, and the assistant librarian and I spent some time today dreaming up possibilities for it.... lol. I'm kind of excited about it. We'll see what happens. :-)

42 Days Till Christmas!

Have you started shopping yet?!

Not.

But at least I'm starting to think about it... lol. I'm going to see if I can do quite a bit of my shopping online this year. I did a few things last year, and it was wonderful! Even if I could do half of it that way it would be great.

Randomness...

Today is a laundry/dishes/housework kind of day... I need to get caught up.

I'll be out of town the next two days, for a librarian workshop. They are sometimes kind of boring, but on the other hand it's a nice change from work, seeing other people, hotel room and meals all paid for... plus my regular pay for both days. So I really can't complain. :-P I hope to get a short visit in with my aunt and uncle tomorrow night -- I have a banquet at 6:30 and she teaches an anger management class till 8:30, but hopefully after that.

Been pondering my future alot. I hate change, and don't do well with decision making. The past couple of years have brought some big changes, but at the same time, other things remained the same... my job, my home, etc. Now with Sheldon graduating in the spring and planning to move out in the summer, more changes come into play, including the possibility of having to sell the house. I don't know where things will go from there... thoughts and possibilities, but no real direction... It's very scary.

My life is not like I had expected it to be, and that is okay... because although it's not like I expected, it is good. But it does mean letting go of the conception that I had had, and being able to embrace change. I think that God has -- for some time -- been preparing me for something different. Even positive changes can be hard...

We've been worried about my mom lately... some confusion, forgetting things (like what day it is, appointments, etc.), some other stuff. She attributes it to new medication she was taking, and it has been quite a bit better since she seems to have gotten that regulated, but not entirely better. Talked to my aunt, and to my sister. My sister doesn't think it's a real concern, but I don't know... I'll talk to my aunt about it tomorrow night.

Well, I guess I should get to that laundry and those dishes, shouldn't I? :-P

My girl's birthday

It's her birthday tomorrow... but since it's already tomorrow in Australia, it's her birthday today. ;-) I scanned her birthday card and emailed it to her. It was the easiest, since she's moving around and doesn't have a fixed address to receive snail mail (except at the SWAP Australia office in Sydney, but since she's not there and won't be back for awhile.....). I'll give her a call a little later -- evening for us, morning for her. She's 22... hard to believe...

I know that I say about each of the kids on their birthdays, but really... the time has gone by so fast, and they are adults (or near-adult in Sheldon's case), and it blows my mind sometimes... lol. (Funny how that works, cuz I don't feel older! :-P )

Chantelle sent pictures from Australia...

She emailed a few pictures the other night... very cool. Surfer girl... lol. There is a great one of her surfing, and a group one from the last night of surf camp. Also a few others, including a nice shot of the beach at Surfer's Paradise and a beautiful sunset. (I'm not posting them here, though. Just telling ya 'bout them! :-P )

I'm so jealous -- she's hanging on the beach, and we've got cold and snow. Not fair. :-P Oh well, she's earned it.

This week has been rather busy, both at work and in the evenings. It's one of those weeks where I have something to go to almost every night. I don't get those too often anymore, and I'm glad! I've mellowed in my old age and so much prefer staying at home and for things to be relatively quiet. I'm spoilt... or lazy! Hahaha....

Well, back to work...

We got snow yesterday....

... okay, so it was only for 5 minutes, and it melted right away, but the point is we got snow! Yuck! Too soon, too soon...

It's nice and sunny today, but cold. *Brrrrrrr* I really hope that the snow holds off until at least November. I can wish, can't I? :P

*~*~*~*~*~*
Currently reading: A Heretic's Guide to Eternity ~ Spencer Burke
Currently playing: Hyperventilation ~ Just

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm not sure who still reads here, but Joyce and Susanna, if you see this.... Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you have a great weekend!

Tired....

Blah... have had a bad cold this week. At times I don't feel too bad, but today I'm really tired again, and coughing. At least the headache, sore ears and sore throat are gone. It's a slow day at work -- which on the one hand is okay, because I don't have the energy to do much. But on the other hand, without much to do, I get dopey and just want to curl up and have a nap... lol. I've had a couple of very chatty patrons today, though... that keeps me from falling asleep. :P

I don't really have much to update, I'm afraid. Life is pretty quiet (which is okay).

Chantelle has been in Australia for a couple of weeks now, and she's having a great time. She went to "surfer camp" this week for 4 days. After spending a couple more days in Sydney, she's going to jump on a Greyhound bus and head to the Gold Coast and Surfer's Paradise. She hopes to find a job and spend some time there. I'm looking forward to her calling this weekend to see how surfer camp went. :)

Sheldon's been working a second part-time job to save up money for a downpayment on a car. He's been going crazy without one, but has been using his dad's truck for the past couple of months, so he hasn't been totally without.

It's Thanksgiving this weekend, but we don't have any specific plans. I think Sheldon is working, not sure about Robbie's schedule. It'll be quiet for us, though.
Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends! :)

Today's adventure...

(Those of you on the Ship will have read this already...)

As previously posted, I got my nose pierced a few weeks ago, right nostril. Well, sometime during the night, I somehow managed to catch my fingernail on the little stone on the end of the nostril screw, and totally ripped it off! Not pulling out the nostril screw, but yanking off the stone! Weird, I tell ya..... I thought I'd dreamt it, but sure enough, I got up this morning and checked, and it was gone. :rolleyes:

I actually was able to find it, which is pretty miraculous in itself, because it is tiny. It looks really ugly without it (kind of a greenish lining in the spot where the stone goes), so I went and bought some crazy glue and thought I'd glue it back on. Now, my piercing is only a few weeks old, so I didn't want to take the nostril screw out. However, I realized that there is no way I could crazy-glue it back in (being so tiny) without ending up with the stone stuck to my face. :P

So I decided to take the nostril screw out, glue the stone on, and put it back in. Yeah....... right...... :rolleyes:

Got the stone glued on, but couldn't get the nostril screw back in -- tricky little things they are, curved and difficult to manage. So there I am, struggling to get it in, my nose is hurting, and I'm running out of time and have to get to work. I never did get it in... I ended up finding a small earring stud and putting that in temporarily so that it doesn't close up (feels terrible... lol). Blah.....

Now, if I didn't live an hour from the city and my piercer, I'd just go get them to put a new one in, but that isn't feasible at the moment (or for at least several days).

I'll try it again tonight.

*~*~*
UPDATE: Finally got it back in tonight. My nose is red, swollen, and hurts like crazy. More than the initial piercing. I won't be messing with that again until it's well healed! (Never had a problem with any of my piercings before, and I wouldn't have this time if I hadn't decided to glue that stupid stone back on.)

Off to Australia

Chantelle leaves in just a few hours -- first to L.A., then Singapore, and then to Australia. I'm excited for her, but a little nervous, too. I'm certain she is going to have an amazing experience, but still, you know.....

I miss her already...

I talked to her last night. It still hasn't really sunk in for her that she is actually leaving. Jerry is flying to L.A. with her (and then going to visit his sister), so I think that it's not really going to hit her until she's on that plane to Singapore, alone. She's had alot of difficult good-byes, but I think she'll be okay after the initial separation. Fortunately her friend Johnny is in Australia right now and will meet her and be with her for a bit. It will be great for her to see a familiar and friendly face.

I'm very proud of her. :) (I just miss her.)

I guess autumn has arrived...

We had great summer weather -- some would say it was too hot, but I thought it was great. I think it's the nicest summer we've had in a long time. Today when I went outside, though, it was a little cooler -- crispier (but not cold), and had that "fall" kind of smell. The leaves are only just starting to turn color, but the little apples are falling off my tree like crazy... if you're outside you can hear them constantly hitting the ground. It really is a nice time of year... I hope it lasts for a good long while, cuz I really hate winter... lol.

Sheldon started back to school last week... this year is going to go by so fast, I know it already...

We had a great long weekend with Chantelle home. :-) We hung out and talked lots, and enjoyed our time together. The kids went to the lake with their dad on Sunday, and on Sunday evening Chantelle's best friend from Winnipeg (Megan) and Megan's boyfriend (Daniel) arrived and stayed the night with us. They had taken a trip out to B.C. and were returning to Winnipeg. It was a fun night, and the first time I'd met Megan, so that was cool.

Chantelle flew back to Calgary on Tuesday evening. That was kinda tough... There was a time when it was really hard for me when she left, but I got better over time and it didn't bother me the same way. This time is different, though. Not so much because she'll be gone longer, but the fact that she's going to be so far away... on the other side of the world. I am so happy for her, and I have every confidence that she will be fine... but there is always that "mom" concern, you know? Anyway, I had my sad moments by myself the night before, because I needed to be strong when she left. She is wanting to be really positive and not have a bunch of teary farewells. I did good. ;)

Now that it's fall, all the usual meetings (library board, church council, etc.) will be starting up again. Not nearly as many as I used to have, but I still kind of dread them. *Must think positive, must think positive*. ;)

Enough slacking, back to work....

Blogthings: How Do You Live Your Life?

Just one of those silly questionnaire thingys....

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Chantelle is home tomorrow! w00t!

Chantelle will get home tomorrow morning, and will be here until Tuesday. She flies back to Calgary Tuesday night, and then just a couple of weeks later she leaves for Australia. Yikes, it has come so quickly! She is super excited. :-) I work tomorrow, but took Tuesday off so that I could have a bit more time with her.

School started for Sheldon yesterday -- his last year. Speaking of it coming so quickly!! He'll be 18 in 5 months... wow...

He and I were going to borrow Robbie's car to go to the city on Monday to do some shopping, but -- wouldn't you know it -- the alternator in Robbie's car died on Sunday. ::rolleyes:: Seems to be some kind of curse on vehicles around our house.... lol. At least it died beforehand -- and not while we were gone.

Okay, back to work.... (slow day).

I got my nose pierced... :-)

I've been thinking about this for about a year, I finally decided to go for it. Cute little stone in the right nostril. :)
(Kathy, I chuckled when I read your 360° post about not liking nose piercings... lol.)

There's another ear piercing (a rook) that I also considered. Maybe another time. ;)

Vacation report

Yeah, I'm a little slow at getting to this, I know.... lol.

I had such a great time in Arizona. Josh and I had SO much fun! I even survived the heat! :P Well, the day we went to the zoo was kind of tough -- and after three hours in temps around 110-112°F, I finally had to call it quits... I was suffering. But the rest of the time I did okay.

It was great to have the two weeks, because it gave us a little more time to do things. We took a road trip to the Grand Canyon and had a blast. It poured rain on the way up (with some pretty intense lightning), but was okay while we were there. Unfortunately it was cloudy so the pictures aren't as good as they could have been, but it was still great. The Grand Canyon is amazing... just amazing.

We had a fun adventure in the little town of Williams, searching for a long-sleeved t-shirt. (It was chilly, and Josh had a hoodie with him, but really only needed something light.) Josh asked at a gas station if there was a WalMart, and they laughed... lil town of 3,000... no WalMart. They directed us to the Family Dollar store. Umm... some very "interesting" clothing, but no long-sleeved t-shirt. From there to the Sportsway -- guns, fishing equipment and large amounts of alcohol, but no shirt. Next was the Western store, but cowboy shirts weren't quite what Josh was looking for. Finally I spotted Gracie's, and she was able to hook Josh up with a John Deere shirt..... haha. We were dying laughing through this whole little adventure (and I was immensely enjoying Josh's experience of a small town!), and took pictures so that I could scrapbook it.

Arizona Vacation Pictures

We didn't ride the Grand Canyon Railway, but we spent some time at the train depot on Saturday morning, waiting for the trains and taking pictures, etc. I think it would be cool to ride the train up to the Grand Canyon. Maybe another time. ;)

Much of our two weeks was just hangin' out.... we went to a couple of movies (saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest), visited Josh's parents, went to a birthday celebration, went out with friends to a great Japanese restaurant where they cook the food at your table, went swimming, had Mexican food and Josh's delicious homemade soup.... Had a wonderful and relaxing time. It was really, really hard to leave...... :( *sigh*

~~~~~

Sheldon had an accident after I left (that night) -- he hit a deer and wrecked his car. Thankfully no one was hurt. But he's now without a vehicle, and insurance didn't give him enough to cover what he still owed on the loan. So he still has to pay that off, then look for another vehicle. Poor kid... that car was nothing but problems from the day he got it.

Chantelle's coming home Labour Day weekend -- YES! I'm excited. She'll be home about 5 days, so that will be wonderful. Then she goes back to Calgary for a bit, and leaves for Australia on Sept. 17. She was originally talking about going for 9 months to a year... but now she thinks it will probably be just the 9 months. We'll see what happens. :-)

My mom and I finally had a chat... I have mixed feelings about it. That's about all I'll say... lol.

That's about it for now. I hope everyone has had a great summer.... it's gone by much too fast!

*~*~*~*~*~*
Currently playing: Iris ~ Goo Goo Dolls :)

Back from vacation

I had the BEST time in Arizona! So much fun... :) Sad to leave.... :(
I'll maybe post more later (spent the morning editing pics, etc.... I need to shower, upack and all that...). For now, here's a link to some pictures -- I'll be adding to it, but this is a start.

Arizona Vacation Photos

Vacation time!

I'm leaving on Thursday (July 20) for two weeks in Arizona. Yes, I am probably insane to be going to Arizona at this time of year, but what can I say? ;)

Oops, computer acting up, will be back....

EDIT: I got waylaid and never made it back here to finish this post... lol.

Anyway, packing Wednesday morning, working till 8:00 p.m., leaving 9:00 a.m. Thursday for Regina, flying out at 2:15 p.m. Will be back late on August 2. See you sometime after that!

I hope everyone is having a good summer. Things have been pretty quiet....

~~~~~~

Currently playing: Little Boat ~ Daniel Rogers (Hoodwinked soundtrack)

Grammie passed away

She died last night, with family present. She went very quietly.

Prayer requests

My grandma isn't doing well at all. Sleeping all the time, mostly non-responsive when anyone talks to her, some other physical stuff I won't get into. The doctor said her body is slowly shutting down.... :( I am (selfishly) hoping that she won't pass away while I'm in Arizona, but what will be will be. I also hope, though, that things won't drag out for her.

On another note, there are some issues that my mom and I have had between us for some time now. On the surface, things seem "okay", but they really aren't. There is alot of junk that gets ignored, and she has this frustrating tendency to talk about me to others rather than talking TO me and dealing with things. I recently learned about stuff she'd said about me to relatives that I had NO idea about, and which were really out there -- odd assumptions she'd made that had no basis in fact, that she had made without ever talking to me. Weird, I tell you.....

Anyway, we seem to be having a real problem with communicating on this, so I sat down and wrote her a letter which I mailed today. I am nervous (actually very apprehensive) about her reaction to it. I hate that I feel that way, I really do. Blah.....

Praying that things go smoothly.... and that I won't get defensive, as I often do because of the way my mom sometimes approaches things.

Thirdly, a coworker (she is a sub who just comes in once in awhile when one of us is on vacation, etc.) had a hysterectomy about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I saw her today, and she looked really awful -- it actually scared me a bit that she looked so bad. Apparently she had been doing okay, but then ended up back in the hospital with a blood clot in her lung. Serious stuff. When I saw her today, it looked like it was taking a great effort just to talk, she looked so exhausted. I hope she is back on the road to a speedy and complete recovery.

Summer finally?!

After many days of rain and generally cloudy, depressing weather, we finally have some really nice days! It's so good to see the sun shining. :-)

I don't think I have much to update... lol. Sheldon wrote his last final exam on Monday, so school is done. Report cards come out tomorrow. Wow... only one year left for him....

He's off to Calgary in a week to spend some time with Chantelle. Then he's back to work for most of the summer. I leave for Arizona in 3 weeks! :-) And Chantelle leaves for Australia in about 2 1/2 months. She's still not sure when she's getting home to see everyone. The original plan was in August, but now one of the other staff has to have surgery and they need her to work then, so it might not be until the very beginning of September (she leaves for Australia on Sept. 17). She's got a very busy summer, and I think that Robbie and some friends are still trying to find a time to get out to Calgary, too.

Nothing really new on my grandma. She's in the nursing home, and physically she is doing okay (even put on a bit of weight), but mentally she isn't doing so well -- forgetful, confused, disoriented, etc. Not too bad in the morning, but worse as the day goes on. They've been able to reduce her pain meds, and she's been eating better, so that is good.

I dunno, not much else going on.... Work is busy, especially now that school is out (phone rings all the time with kids booking computer time!).

I've been trying to stay committed to either walking or biking for 30-45 minutes at least once a day. Sticking to it fairly well -- sometimes I manage twice a day. I really wish it would take a few pounds off.... I guess I lost a few, but a few more would be nice! Now that we actually have some sunshine, I'm trying to get a bit of sun, too, before I go to AZ. I used to lay out and tan when I was a teenager, and as a kid/teen/young adult I used to tan so easily and get so dark. Not anymore! I burn very quickly now, so I'm trying to get some sun exposure without frying.... lol.

Anyway, yeah.... that's about it for now.... lol.

New song by downhere

I'm not current on Christian music anymore (not like I used to be!) -- but I got an email from downhere recently about their new album, so I went to their site to check it out. I really, really like the song "A Better Way". It's as much the music (love the piano) as it is the lyrics, really. My favorite downhere songs have always been that way. (Nothing tops "Calmer of the Storm", though. ;) )

If you're interested in checking it out, go to Music and then the jukebox at www.downhere.com

Here's the lyrics:

A Better Way
Wide-Eyed and Mystified
by downhere

I'm not alone, I really believe
You never go, You never leave
Here and now, You always stay
“I love you” could not be said a better way

It's everything You've promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A man laying down His life for His friends
Your sacrifice has spoken, You gave everything
And “I love you” could not be said
A better way

I am forgiven, I clearly see
It's why You came to do all you did for me
Trading earth with heaven, You took my place
“I love you” could not be said
A better way

Because You redeem, I know what's to come
Everything I could lose here, You've already won
So You have my surrender, with passion obey
“I love you” could not be said
A better way

I went shopping in "the city" yesterday, mostly for birthday presents (Robbie and my nephew), although I got a few things for me, too.... lol. The boys and I bought an early birthday/Christmas gift for Chantelle -- because she won't be here for either, and this way she can take it to Australia with her. We got her a digital camera and a 2 GB memory card. It's a nice little camera, I think she will love it. I love forward to the pics that she'll send. :)

She's booked her flight -- leaving Calgary on Sept. 17. She flies into L.A., then to Singapore, and she arrives in Sydney the morning of Sept. 20. Exciting! She's coming home sometime in August to see everyone before she leaves.

My mom called me on Sunday -- apparently Grammie fell and broke her wrist. :( She was hallucinating and thought my uncle had been hurt and was at the hospital. She got out of bed to go to him and she fell. Fortunately her bad hip did not give out on her, because that would really finish her off. But this is not good, either.

Oh for pete's sake..... it's raining again!!! It's been cold and rainy for days, it's really quite depressing.

I'm getting myself a new bike, finally. I have to put my old one to rest.... lol. A local store has some on sale this week. They didn't have the one I wanted in stock, but will order it and it should be here within a week.

Sheldon continues to feel really good. He's back at work (5 days in a row), and even with work and school he's feeling fine. :)

Much better

Sheldon is feeling much, much better. In fact, I am quite amazed at how well he's doing.

For three days last week, he slept pretty much 24/7... could barely stay awake for even 5 minutes, couldn't eat because of the swollen, sore throat. The glands in his neck were hugely swollen, and his spleen was enlarged. On John's recommendation, I got some olive leaf extract. He started taking it on Thursday, and by the evening the swelling in his glands had gone down noticeably, and he was starting to feel better -- much more alert, wanting to eat, etc. By Friday, you wouldn't know he was the same kid who could hardly move just 2 days before. He has continued to improve drastically, and the doctor was quite amazed yesterday.... lol.

The doctor wanted him to stay home from school for the rest of this week, too, but I let him go back today and will see how he does. He has been feeling good, not even fatigued. I don't want him to push it, though, so will keep a check on things.

In other news..... lol. My brother flew out from Vancouver the weekend of May 12-14, to see my grandma. I went down to MJ on the Saturday to see him, and to visit Grammie again. She wasn't doing as well as the last time I went. She is still in pretty good spirits, but health-wise she is slowly getting worse. The pain seems to be managed, but she still gets nauseous and I don't think she's eating much. She does seem to be more relaxed, though, being in the hospital. I'm sure it was frightening for her to be alone before. She's still waiting for a palliative care bed in the nursing home..... not sure if she's make it there or not......

Anyway, my brother and I had a good visit with Grammie, and I had a really good visit with him and my aunt & uncle. It was a good day. :-)

Mononucleosis

Sheldon hasn't been feeling well lately -- sore muscles, headache, bit of a sore throat and cough. We thought he had the same flu that I had, but over the weekend he started feeling really rough. He was terribly fatigued despite getting lots of sleep, headache got really bad, his throat got worse, and then the glands in his neck started swelling. Ugh.

Went to the doctor today, and he has mono. He is very unhappy. In addition to feeling rotten, he will have to stay home from school and work, and will miss Grad this weekend. Many of his friends are graduating, so he's really bummed about that.

Unfortunately there is nothing they can give him for mono -- it's a virus, and antibiotics won't do a thing. In fact, they could cause a severe rash. Basically he has to get alot of rest and drink lots of fluids, and wait it out. His throat is so swollen now that it's almost closed. Swallowing hurts. He's got a fever. Poor kid. :-(

I went to see Lana on Sunday evening. They are doing okay... as well as can be expected. The funeral will be on Saturday, back "home" for them (they aren't originally from here).

My brother will be flying out to see my grandma this weekend. He'll only be in MJ for a couple of days, so won't be coming here. I might go down on Saturday to see him, but it will depend if this stupid cough goes away. I was sick with the flu last week, and am still coughing alot. I don't want to to see Grammie if I'm not well, so we'll see how I'm feeling later in the week.

Grad is in on May 20th -- two of my nephews are graduating, one from each side of the family. Grade 11 parents have to help with many aspects of grad (organizing the banquet, setting up and taking down, etc.). Sheldon's class is very small, and I ended up on the Social Committee by myself!!! Yikes. I have to round up some help from somewhere for that day. Blech, I hate doing that.

Tired today, and the dull, dreary weather is not helping any (are we ever going to get nice weather?!?!). I'd love to curl up under my blanket and have a nice long nap. Too bad I still have 2 1/2 hours of work left.... lol.

I was surprised today when Kris G. walked into the library to use the public computers! Kris is a young man that I attended my first TEC weekend with, and we worked together on TEC 1 here in SK. Turns out that he's working in town for the summer (he's a university student), so that is pretty cool.

*Yawn*

Suppose I should get back to work...... ;)

Lana's dad died tonight.... It's been a long struggle, and he was definitely a fighter. He finally gave up the fight tonight. My heart hurts for them.... :'(

Grammie is back in the hospital. She was very sick to her stomach and in a great deal of pain again. She's not been keeping her meds straight at all, and because of the pain and nausea she wasn't eating, either. Once they got her into the hospital and got her meds straight again, she's feeling better and is eating again. She's still a bit confused -- and my aunt says she keeps asking where I am, she thinks I'm there somewhere in the building... lol.

The upside to this is that the doctor can see how sick she is and that she isn't managing at home alone, so they are keeping her in the hospital until a palliative care bed comes open at the nursing home across the street from where she lives. That is a relief.

My brother is coming from Vancouver next weekend. I hope he'll have the chance to have a good visit with her.

Feeling blechy today.... I have a sore throat and my voice is mostly gone. It hurts to talk. I'm really tired, and tonight I have a headache and kind of hurt all over. It's not real bad, I'm just being whiney.... :P I haven't been sick in over a year, so I shouldn't complain.

Mom let me know that Grammie was in the hospital again -- she's been in alot of pain. If she's taking her meds properly, she shouldn't be, so I don't know what's up, if she's gotten confused with them again or what. *sigh*

My kids are all heartbroken tonight.... the Calgary Flames lost game 7 in the playoff series tonight. I don't even watch hockey, but they are all big Flames fans. Mucho disappointment tonight.

Okay, this was a depressing post... lol.

Some of you will have read this elsewhere, but I'll post it here anyway...

Grammie is doing okay, but it varies from day to day. She was having a really good day when I was there last Monday. She seems to be getting mixed up on her meds -- either not taking some, or thinking she's taken them when she hasn't, etc. She has several meds, to be taken at different times, and she thinks she has it straight, but then gets confused. A home-care nurse was coming to see her to help get all that straightened around for her. When she has the meds straight, then she feels quite a bit better. Otherwise she's in pain, nauseous and can't eat. She's lost a ton of weight, is down to maybe 100 lbs.

She lives on her own, in a small suite in a senior's "complex" I guess you'd call it. A number of suites, with a common lounge area. The other residents keep an eye on her and are wonderful to her, but she knows that she is at a point now where she needs more care. After being violently sick to her stomach at 4:00 in the morning, alone...... she doesn't want to be alone anymore. So she's waiting to get into palliative care in a nursing home across the street from where she lives.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the doctor says that the cancer may have spread to her lungs.

One funny point -- or at least my family with our warped sense of humor thinks it's funny -- is that the doctor told her that she is eligible to qualify for medicinal marijuana (which is legal here) for the pain and nausea. So we've had numerous and ongoing laughs about Grammie smokin' up.... lol. (I have no idea if she'll actually apply for it, but it's made for some laughs, anyway. )

I'm glad that we had a good visit, I feel more at peace now. Thanks everyone for your prayers and hugs. They are very much appreciated. :)

Oh, and my brother is flying out in a couple of weeks to see Grammie. I may go down that weekend as well.

On another note, I've been trying to do more walking lately. At this time it's more for my physical health than my mental/emotional/spiritual... although it helps with all of those, too! :D In the past, I'd say it was more for those reasons. Anyway, I bought myself some new shoes the other day, and I'm going to try keeping a bit of a fitness log, just to (hopefully) keep me motivated. I really would like to lose a few pounds as well. Darn, but that middle-age thing has a way of sneaking up on a person.... :P

I'm working on some summer vacation plans... a couple of weeks in Arizona. I've never taken two full weeks off from work.... lol. I used to just take a week in the summer, and use the rest of my vacation time up here and there throughout the year.

The youth held 30-Hour Famine at our church this weekend. We only have a couple of youth at our church. My niece (she's 22) leads a youth group at the Baptist church (which kids from all denominations attend) -- and she has organized and lead the 30-Hour Famine for the past 4 years at our church, with kids from the youth group participating. There were 17 kids and 3 leaders taking part this year. They did the readings in church this morning and had a short presentation. It was really good. They got fed tacos when they were done fasting, later this afternoon. ;)

*~*~*~*~*
Currently playing: The River ~ Live
Tonight's walk: 40 minutes

Good day

I'll probably write more later, but for now I wanted to say that I had a really good day with both my grandma and my aunt. Grammie was having a better day -- I think they got her straightened out on her meds -- so that was good. It was just a good day all around. :-)

Grammie update

I posted this on the Ship, but for those who don't go there...

Grammie was in emergency for 6 hours yesterday -- she'd been very sick to her stomach during the night, hadn't eaten for a day and a half, was dehydrated, potassium levels were low... She's down to about 100 lbs.

The doctor thinks the cancer may have spread to her lungs. :'(

I'm going down to see her tomorrow.

Tagged...

I just read Carmel's xanga, and I see that I've been tagged... lol. I have to tell you 6 things about myself....

1. Other than a weekends/summer job that I had when I was in high school, my current job is the only (paid!) one I've had. I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, and started working as an assistant librarian in1997, for one year. I then moved to Branch Librarian, and have been in this position for almost 8 years now. I love my job -- most of the time! ... lol.

2. I have two middle names. My brother and sister, my three kids, and my sister's three kids all have two middle names. :-)

3. The past few years were in many ways ones of difficulty, but they were also ones of great learning, growth and new life. I have faced fears, had to look at my own faults and failings, been reminded of the need to forgive, stepped out in faith (despite the fears), learned a great deal about myself and others, found strength and courage as well as acceptance and love and friendship. Life is good. :-)

4. Unlike my daughter (who Josh calls my gyspy), I've never been very adventurous. I still live in the same small town I grew up in, and never went far from it -- definitely didn't venture anywhere alone... lol. In the past two years, though, I've travelled 3 times to the States to see friends, and those have been some of the most special times of my life. I miss my friends, and hope to one day see them again. For now, though, my excursions will be taking me only to Arizona. ;-)

5. I don't drive, have never driven in my life. Most people think that is so weird, and you have no idea how many people have told me that they could teach me, they could get me to drive.... lol. Well, it hasn't worked yet, but it is something I at least think about now... It is weird, it's really a phobia, but maybe it's one that I can overcome. We'll see...... ;-)

6. I am not a morning person. Even as a baby, I was up half the night -- my poor mom, because my older brother was a morning person, and would be up at the crack of dawn. I don't think she ever got any sleep. (Sorry, Mom!) I'm still a night owl, and love to sleep in whenever I can. Mornings can be made better, however, with a good cup of coffee. :D


Oh, almost forgot.... I need to tag some others. I tag Amy, John, Kathy, Alan, Slyvia and Steph. (Matt, in case you haven't seen, Carmel tagged you as well. ;-) )

As I mentioned in my comment for the previous post, Robbie and I didn't get down to see my grandma... we were both sick. Will try again.

Lana's dad fell today, and had to go by ambulance -- first to hospital here, then to Saskatoon. He hit his head, and they thought he might have had a stroke. He's not getting enough oxygen (he has terminal lung cancer), and from what Randi understood he is sort of in a coma. I don't really have details, but it is not looking good at all. Lana will stay up in Saskatoon with him.... Randi said that they were told he may not make it through the night. :-( For those so inclined, prayer would be welcome.

Holy Week

Sunday was Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week. We were doing a dramatic reading in church that morning, and I was thinking about the movie "The Passion of the Christ". Those scenes play in my head now when I hear or read the related scripture. I'm not sure if that is good or not. It is someone else's visualization rather than my own. And yet, it helps in some ways to make it more "real". I dunno...

I watched "The Passion" last year on Good Friday. Still gut-wrenchingly emotional. I hadn't seen it since the year before when it came out, and I went opening week in the theatre. That was interesting. I went by myself, but at the same time as a long-distance friend, and then we discussed it later that night. It was very good, an interesting discussion.

We have 3 services this week -- Maundy Thursday, including the foot-washing (we never have very many people out for that service, and it looks like there will be even less this year, possibly only a handful), the ecumenical Good Friday service (this year at the Pentecostal church), and the Saturday Easter Vigil. One of my favorites (that one and Christmas Eve). We have two churches in our parish, and our congregation has the Easter Vigil, the other congregation has the Easter morning service.

Robbie and I might drive down to see my grandma on Friday, since we have the day off. We've been trying to find a weekend when he's not working/not away. It hasn't been working out so well. I could go down by myself, but she really wants to see Robbie, she hasn't seen him for years, so I'd like us to go together. Sheldon and his dad went this past weekend.

My mom called me yesterday morning to let me know that my grandma has made the decision that she is not comfortable living on her own anymore. Between the cancer and the possibility of her bad hip giving out at any time, she feels she needs to be somewhere where she can be taken care of. She has her name on a waiting list for a palliative care bed in a nursing home.

She got pain and anti-nausea meds less than two weeks ago, and is already having to up the dosage on both of them.... She is able to eat now, at least, but is still losing weight. As much as I hate to lose her, I also don't want this to drag on for a long time if she is in pain..... :-(

Chantelle's plans for Australia are coming together. She should be able to book her flight soon. She's planning to come home for a visit in August, and then leave forAustralia in Sept. Man, I am going to miss her. I already miss her, being 7 hours away, but at least now we can talk on the phone any time (thank goodness for a great long distance plan!). Oh well... I know that she is going to have an amazing time, and I am very happy for her. :-)

I'm going to a meeting at the school tonight. There is a young woman who moved to town recently who will be speaking -- she's a recovering crystal meth addict. The local school board has put on a number of drug information presentations in the past few years, but I think that hearing it straight from someone who has been there and lived it is very powerful. Her mom and an addictions counsellor will be there for support. I hope that there is a good turnout.

Okay, back to work. I started this update on Sunday but got interrupted and didn't finish it.... lol. I decided I should get it posted today.

Smilies

Hmm... added some code to put the smilies in, but I'm not liking the little box around the images. That didn't happen when I previewed it. Hmm.... not sure if I'll keep them or not.

Does anyone else think or write (handwrite/print) with smilies and internet lingo? I can't handwrite a note or letter without adding happy faces and LOL's, etc. It's pretty bad.... and I think that way, too. :P

I feel like I should update, but there doesn't seem to be much to say....

Sheldon went snowboarding this past weekend -- school trip to Fernie, B.C. They had a great time, and he came back all in one piece.... lol. Always a good thing. ;-)

Chatted on the phone with my girl last night. Did I mention that she got a part time job? Can't remember. Anyway, she got a part time job... haha. She's working some evenings and weekends at Chapters (large bookstore chain). For someone who loves books, you'd think it would be perfect!!! She's not really one for working in retail -- as she's discovered -- and she was finding it pretty boring at first, but I think it's going okay. She's only been there a couple of weeks, and they had her cashing out four tills on her own yesterday. They seem to like her. She's saving up all the money from this job for her Australia trip.

It finally feels like spring! Let's just hope it lasts. It has been so nice the past few days. Today was just gorgeous, with the sun shining and the snow melting. I went for a walk this afternoon (dodging the puddles), and might go again tonight when I'm done posting this.

Not really anything new on my grandma. A couple of my aunts went with her to the doctor last week, to make sure some things are being taken care of. She got a pain patch to help control the pain she's been having, and other medicine to help with the nausea, so she's been able to eat better. The rest of the family stuff... I'm trying not to let it bother me (at least at the moment!).

If anyone is so inclined, prayers for one of my best friends and her family would be appreciated. She is caring for her elderly dad in her home, and he is dying of lung cancer. It's really, really hard on her and she is pretty overwhelmed, to say the least.

I hate cancer. :-(

Think I'll go for that walk......

Edit: I think I'm going to buy a new bike soon. I've been saying that for the past couple of years... lol. Now I really do need a new one. They should be on sale soon. :-)

Family

A serious illness in the family seems to bring to the forefront all those issues and dysfunction that people have managed to avoid/bury/ignore for years. My family has members who have cut each other off at various times in the past (and in the present), and there are alot of secrets and numerous sides to every story -- to the point where I have no idea what is truth. I sort of feel like I'm expected to take sides, and I can't do that. I listen when people talk, but I try to stay out of it. Not only do I not want to take sides, but I simply can't -- it's all so messed up, I don't know who or what to believe. People may have been able to ignore each other or the issues at one time, but now they are being thrown together whether they want to be or not, and it's rather ugly. Unfortunately, it's bound to get uglier. At a time when we should be drawing closer to each other, they are instead driving one another further apart. It's not what my grandma would want. In fact, no one is telling her of the difficulties, because she would be very upset that they are fighting, and she absolutely does not need that now.

I hope for reconciliation, but I tend to think that it won't happen. I know I should be hopeful instead of negative, but I've seen this go on for so many years that I don't have alot of hope of things changing. I think what will happen is they will get through this time ahead, and then once again go their own ways.

Some of the family are going with my grandma to her next doctor appointment. She won't ask questions to make sure that things are being managed well, so others will have to take charge. She's starting having some pain, and she has lost so much weight. :-(

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Great Are You ~ downhere

Basketball

Sheldon's basketball team played in Regional Playoffs this weekend (out of town). They lost their game last night, but won today. Unfortunately, though, because they lost last night they are now out of the playoffs. Disappointing, but I think they were pretty excited and pleased to have made it to Regionals.

The girls' team hosted Regionals here in town this weekend, and won both their games, advancing to Hoopla -- which is the Provincial Playoffs, a pretty big deal!

Online Lenten Devotional

Journey to the Cross

I had a really nice conversation with my grandma last night on the phone -- for about an hour and a half. Only the second time we've talked in the last year, but I think I've worked through much that was hindering our relationship. I'm glad I called her (finally).

My aunt called me tonight. Again, a really good chat. Both conversations brought some much needed healing, and I feel good about things.

It's positive

My grandma definitely has pancreatic cancer. :-(

Waiting for news about my grandma

(Decided to edit this post somewhat.)

Some of you will have already read about this (briefly) on the boards, but I decided to post here, too. I found out yesterday that there is strong possibility that my grandma has cancer -- we are waiting for results. I've posted prayer requests for her before... she has very painful arthritis in her shoulder, she had hip replacement some years ago but was recently having major problems with the one hip and there was the possibility of another hip replacement there. However, she also has heart problems that are a factor in whether to have surgery.

She had been doing better as far as the hip was concerned, but the shoulder was still extremely painful and I believe she was on some strong medication for that. She's lost a fair amount of weight, and my mom took her shopping a few weeks ago because she wanted some new clothes that fit better. What I didn't know until yesterday was that she hasn't been able to eat much, and that combined with the weight loss was of concern to her doctor. He sent her for tests, and then she got a call at 8:00 yesterday morning that they needed her to come back in again for more tests. She has a cyst on her pancreas.... but they won't know if it is cancerous until it's removed, and I'm not sure when that is going to happen, she is just waiting at this point. She told my mom that if it is cancer, she will not have any treatments (she'll be 87 this May).

*~*~*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Mountain of God ~ Third Day

I hate numbers and accounting and budgets and all of that stuff!!! Blech! It's not even that I'm poor in math, cuz I'm not, but accounting/recordkeeping/etc. just drives me bonkers. Stresses me out. Some work-related stuff is totally stressing me out. Blahhhhhh.

*Takes a deep breath* Okay, I'm done venting for the moment. :-P

I have such a busy week ahead, between meetings and church services and suppers and other various things. I don't like weeks like that. I used to run like that all the time, but I don't like doing it anymore. Must be getting old.... lol.

Talked to my girl for awhile tonight. She's making plans to go to Australia this fall -- hopefully she can work it all out. She's applying for a passport here right away, and is looking for a second job in order to save up the money she needs (she has some saved already). Man, I will miss her tons, but it will be a great experience for her.

She got notice this week that she has to move out of her place by the end of May. She rents a basement suite, the house is being sold and the new owners do not want to rent it out. So she'll have to find someplace else for a few months until she goes to Australia. What a pain, but I'm sure it will work out okay.

Anyway, must go to bed -- and I'll try not stress too much tomorrow. ;-)

Not much to update, but I'll try...

I was gone for a couple of days -- I had a library workshop out of town. It was alright. Most of the sessions were stuff I already knew (digital cameras, scanners, some online databases, etc.), so at times it was kind of boring, but outside of that it was a fun time. They fed us well, and the fellowship was great. And it was all expenses paid, including getting my regular pay for both days. If nothing else, it was a nice break from work... ;-)

I've been talking with some HQ staff about setting up a message board for our library region -- this came about after discussion of some methods of effective communication. I've set up a sample one for them to have a look at, and we're talking about setting up a permanent one. I love this stuff, and my experience with the other board(s) has served me well. I'm excited about setting this one up. (I'm such a dork... lol.)

I'm going to do my income tax this weekend. It shouldn't take long, I just need to get at it. :-P

That's it for now... have a great weekend!

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: When the Night Feels My Song ~ Bedouin Soundclash

I am quite annoyed with iWebTunes, which is what I was using to add music to my blog. (I had videos before from another site, but that seemed to be loaded with popups so I scrapped it.) I can't log into iWebTunes -- it keeps telling me I haven't verified my registration (which I've done numerous times), then even after I've verified it -- yet again -- it won't let me log in. I even tried registering a new account, and it tells me that it has sent my verification email, but I've never received it. I'm not impressed at all. >:-(

*~*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Flawed Design ~ Stabilo

Flawed Design

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. :-)

Hug someone you love today -- whether it be a "significant other", a child, a parent, a friend.... someone needs a hug and needs to know that you love them.

I send out *virtual hugs* to each of you. You guys are awesome, and you are loved. Thank you for your friendship, your love, your support, your laughter, your tears.... I appreciate you more than you can ever know.

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Sunlight ~ DJ Sammy :-)

"May we exist like a lotus, At home in the muddy water. Thus we bow to life as it is."

The lotus, a symbol of Buddhism, grows in water, and appears to float on the surface. In reality, though, its long stem holds the flower just above the water. As the water moves, it tugs on the stem, so that the blossom seems to bow.

The sermon at church yesterday related to this concept of "being at home in muddy water"-- that may seem strange to some, because it is from Zen Buddhism. But I found it very interesting.

There was reference to the book "At Home in the Muddy Water: A Guide to Finding Peace within Everyday Chaos" and an experiment that is described to demonstrate this concept of finding peace within the chaos....

If you take a glass of water and add mud to it, the mud will eventually settle to the bottom of the glass, and the top of the water will be clear. But if you stir it up, the water becomes muddy and unclear throughout -- chaotic in a sense. Stop stirring it up, let it calm down, and the mud will again settle. It is still there, but it is not permeating everything. There is clarity, there is peace, even though the mud -- the troubles, the difficulties, the grief, the uncertainty, etc. -- is still there. Being at home in the muddy water is about being able to live in the moment -- not in the past, not in the future, neither stirring up things from the past nor worrying about the future -- but being able to find peace in this moment. To me that doesn't mean that you avoid or ignore those things, but that you can find peace even within them.

I don't know if I am explaining this as well as I had hoped (sometimes the things in my head don't come out properly when I try to put them into words). I wish I would taken notes of the sermon, because there were a number of things that I wanted to remember, but as always they escape me within a short time.

It's still Friday... ;-)

Sheldon's basketball tournament started tonight. His first game was at 7:00 -- they won, 80-35. Nice! :-) I have to work tomorrow, but will still be able to make his other two games. I'm making soup tonight for the canteen tomorrow, and he and I have to work at the canteen from 9:30-11:00 a.m. His next game is at 11:30, so I'll get to see about half of it before I have to go to work, and then his final game is at 7:00, so that gives me plenty of time after work. I was worried I might not see him play much -- with most of his games out of town this season and me working, I've barely made it to a game. I don't like that.

His birthday is tomorrow, so we gotta find time to celebrate that, too. ;-)

His birthday fell during the home tournament last year, too... that was a rough time... I'm glad that things are different this year for me. I hope that they are okay for him. And I hope his dad makes it to the tournament this year, and sees him on his birthday......

~~~~~

I'm listening to some Rich Mullins tonight. (Thanks, John!) It's been a long time since I listened to Rich -- I need to do so more often. I'm thinking that I should add him to my iPod. ;-)

I'm going to have to go find a snack. The smell of soup cooking is making me terribly hungry... lol.

Have a great weekend, my friends! :-)

*~*~*~*~
Currently playing: Let Mercy Lead ~ Rich Mullins

I feel like a fake.

For so many years, church was such a big part of my life. I taught Sunday School for 15 years, I was involved with a healing ministry for a number of years, participated in and led Bible study for years, was involved with youth stuff -- and heavily involved in and devoted to Teens Encounter Christ -- taught and helped with Vacation Bible School, participated in nearly every ecumenical service, have been on local and parish church council for many years, took numerous lay ministry training workshops, led (and still lead) some Sunday services, and so on and so on and so on......

I don't say all of that to boast, I hope it doesn't come across that way. The thing is... so much has changed. That stuff -- for the most part -- doesn't matter to me anymore. Church in general doesn't matter to me. I feel like I'm just going through the motions most of the time. It's not my basic faith, but the rest of it. Some things I just don't do any more, and other things I do because of a sense of obligation more than anything. My heart is not in it. Do I continue to fake it, and maybe some day I will find the heart for those things again? It gets harder all the time...

Some of it has to do with just being burned out -- too many years of the same stuff, with less and less people to carry the load. Some of it has to do with being "burned" -- from people I thought I should have been able to count on. It has left with me with an "I just don't care anymore" attitude.

And it's left me confused and uncertain... and hurt. One of my main reasons for sticking it out has been because I don't want to abandon one of my best friends when she is needing the support (and she's feeling overwhelmed and burned out herself). But it doesn't feel right any more. I don't know if I can keep doing it.

*sigh*

I think I need some chocolate.... :-P

(As depressing as all this sounds, life in general is good. This is just my angst of the moment... lol. ;-) )

I always dislike this time of year.... financial and annual reports for work, annual meetings for work and church, and some of the junk that seems to go with that.

I won't say much about work, except that there's some stress related to the need to find a new treasurer for the library board. Have to leave it at that, as this is a public blog...

Every year I dread annual meeting time for our church. Well, I didn't used to -- but for the last few years I have. I really have to make a decision about whether to stay on in my current position. I haven't particularily wanted to have it for the past couple of years, but there are so very few of us that I end up feeling "obligated", and that is not a good reason to be there. I've stayed in this position more as a support to a friend than because it's either where I want to be or think I should be. I'd feel bad to leave her without support, and at this time I'm really unsure as to whether anyone else would be willing to fill the position. Blah...... I don't know what to do. I don't *feel* like it's where I want to be. I think I got burned out. Among other things. *sigh*

Sheldon should have his car fixed this weekend. Poor kid has been waiting for over 3 weeks. At least it wasn't as bad as they first expected. He's going to help his dad with it in the morning.

He's got a busy week coming up, between semester finals, a Nickelback concert (which, had I known that Live was opening for them...!!! I would have loved to have gone. Not that he'd have wanted his mother there! lol), work, his home basketball tournament on Friday/Saturday, and his 17th birthday on Saturday. ;-) I think I'm going to go to Saskatoon on Monday to get the rest of his birthday present and do some other shopping.

So yeah.... that's about it for an update from me.... lol. :-P

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: You're Beautiful ~ James Blunt

Happy New Year!

I'm back...... :-D

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and I wish you all a wonderful New Year!

I had a fantastic holiday season. I've been on vacation since December 24th, I go back to work tomorrow.... blech. I always hate going back after vacation.

Chantelle got home on December 23rd. It was so great to have her home. :-) The kids spent Christmas Eve with their dad and that side of the family. More relatives than usual were home for Christmas this year, so that was cool for them. They had a good time. Chantelle, Sheldon and I went to church that night -- one of my favorite services of the year. Love it!

Christmas Day was quiet, but very relaxing and very nice. We slept in -- we are all night owls, lol. We opened gifts and just kinda lazed around a bit, I got the turkey in the oven for supper, and we played some board games in the afternoon, including our annual round of Trivial Pursuit. I think we need an easier version..... hahaha. Of course, there was the obligatory munching of goodies and snacks while playing games. ;-) It was a wonderful day -- I am so very thankful for my kids, and for the time we had all together. They are awesome. :-)

Chantelle went to Winnipeg to visit friends for New Year's. She planned to leave on the 28th, but things didn't work out as planned, and she left on the morning of the 29th instead.

And speaking of plans not working out..... in the end they did, but they started off with a big hitch. I went on vacation after Christmas -- to Arizona for a week. Or almost a week. I was supposed to fly out on the 28th, but unfortunately on the way to Saskatoon (an hour away), Sheldon's car broke down!!! We managed to get back to a nearby town to call home (no cell). He ended up having to get it towed back to town, and I had to get Robbie to come pick us up and try to get me to Saskatoon in time for my flight. We hit snow and unbelievable traffic jams in Saskatoon, and when I got to the airport, the flight was just departing. Arrggghhhhh........ So frustrating.

I spent the next hour making new arrangements for a flight the next morning, being told that the plane hadn't left after all (weather delay) and that they'd get me on the flight -- but all my info in the computer had to be changed back (since I was now booked for a different flight), and that took FOREVER. They finally got it done and were about to send me to the plane (my luggage was already sent), only to be told that the plane had just left!!!!! After they had promised me that it wouldn't leave without me. Man....... what a stressful day!!!!

I ended up getting put back onto the flight for the following morning, and staying in Saskatoon overnight at my dad's. Had to be at the airport at 5:00 a.m., and there was no way I was going back home! lol

My vacation itself was awesome. :-D I got home a little after 2:00 this morning -- coming from Saskatoon in dense fog. So I slept in this morning and am being lazy today -- my last day before work. Just unpacking and doing some laundry, catching up on emails/boards/blogs, etc. At some point I need to take the Christmas tree down, but not today. :-P

Gonna call my girl tonight and see how her time in Winnipeg went. :-)

*~*~*

Currently playing: Always There ~ Todd Agnew

(can't wait to get my iPod updated with all my music :-D )