Tagged...

I just read Carmel's xanga, and I see that I've been tagged... lol. I have to tell you 6 things about myself....

1. Other than a weekends/summer job that I had when I was in high school, my current job is the only (paid!) one I've had. I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, and started working as an assistant librarian in1997, for one year. I then moved to Branch Librarian, and have been in this position for almost 8 years now. I love my job -- most of the time! ... lol.

2. I have two middle names. My brother and sister, my three kids, and my sister's three kids all have two middle names. :-)

3. The past few years were in many ways ones of difficulty, but they were also ones of great learning, growth and new life. I have faced fears, had to look at my own faults and failings, been reminded of the need to forgive, stepped out in faith (despite the fears), learned a great deal about myself and others, found strength and courage as well as acceptance and love and friendship. Life is good. :-)

4. Unlike my daughter (who Josh calls my gyspy), I've never been very adventurous. I still live in the same small town I grew up in, and never went far from it -- definitely didn't venture anywhere alone... lol. In the past two years, though, I've travelled 3 times to the States to see friends, and those have been some of the most special times of my life. I miss my friends, and hope to one day see them again. For now, though, my excursions will be taking me only to Arizona. ;-)

5. I don't drive, have never driven in my life. Most people think that is so weird, and you have no idea how many people have told me that they could teach me, they could get me to drive.... lol. Well, it hasn't worked yet, but it is something I at least think about now... It is weird, it's really a phobia, but maybe it's one that I can overcome. We'll see...... ;-)

6. I am not a morning person. Even as a baby, I was up half the night -- my poor mom, because my older brother was a morning person, and would be up at the crack of dawn. I don't think she ever got any sleep. (Sorry, Mom!) I'm still a night owl, and love to sleep in whenever I can. Mornings can be made better, however, with a good cup of coffee. :D


Oh, almost forgot.... I need to tag some others. I tag Amy, John, Kathy, Alan, Slyvia and Steph. (Matt, in case you haven't seen, Carmel tagged you as well. ;-) )

As I mentioned in my comment for the previous post, Robbie and I didn't get down to see my grandma... we were both sick. Will try again.

Lana's dad fell today, and had to go by ambulance -- first to hospital here, then to Saskatoon. He hit his head, and they thought he might have had a stroke. He's not getting enough oxygen (he has terminal lung cancer), and from what Randi understood he is sort of in a coma. I don't really have details, but it is not looking good at all. Lana will stay up in Saskatoon with him.... Randi said that they were told he may not make it through the night. :-( For those so inclined, prayer would be welcome.

Holy Week

Sunday was Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week. We were doing a dramatic reading in church that morning, and I was thinking about the movie "The Passion of the Christ". Those scenes play in my head now when I hear or read the related scripture. I'm not sure if that is good or not. It is someone else's visualization rather than my own. And yet, it helps in some ways to make it more "real". I dunno...

I watched "The Passion" last year on Good Friday. Still gut-wrenchingly emotional. I hadn't seen it since the year before when it came out, and I went opening week in the theatre. That was interesting. I went by myself, but at the same time as a long-distance friend, and then we discussed it later that night. It was very good, an interesting discussion.

We have 3 services this week -- Maundy Thursday, including the foot-washing (we never have very many people out for that service, and it looks like there will be even less this year, possibly only a handful), the ecumenical Good Friday service (this year at the Pentecostal church), and the Saturday Easter Vigil. One of my favorites (that one and Christmas Eve). We have two churches in our parish, and our congregation has the Easter Vigil, the other congregation has the Easter morning service.

Robbie and I might drive down to see my grandma on Friday, since we have the day off. We've been trying to find a weekend when he's not working/not away. It hasn't been working out so well. I could go down by myself, but she really wants to see Robbie, she hasn't seen him for years, so I'd like us to go together. Sheldon and his dad went this past weekend.

My mom called me yesterday morning to let me know that my grandma has made the decision that she is not comfortable living on her own anymore. Between the cancer and the possibility of her bad hip giving out at any time, she feels she needs to be somewhere where she can be taken care of. She has her name on a waiting list for a palliative care bed in a nursing home.

She got pain and anti-nausea meds less than two weeks ago, and is already having to up the dosage on both of them.... She is able to eat now, at least, but is still losing weight. As much as I hate to lose her, I also don't want this to drag on for a long time if she is in pain..... :-(

Chantelle's plans for Australia are coming together. She should be able to book her flight soon. She's planning to come home for a visit in August, and then leave forAustralia in Sept. Man, I am going to miss her. I already miss her, being 7 hours away, but at least now we can talk on the phone any time (thank goodness for a great long distance plan!). Oh well... I know that she is going to have an amazing time, and I am very happy for her. :-)

I'm going to a meeting at the school tonight. There is a young woman who moved to town recently who will be speaking -- she's a recovering crystal meth addict. The local school board has put on a number of drug information presentations in the past few years, but I think that hearing it straight from someone who has been there and lived it is very powerful. Her mom and an addictions counsellor will be there for support. I hope that there is a good turnout.

Okay, back to work. I started this update on Sunday but got interrupted and didn't finish it.... lol. I decided I should get it posted today.

Smilies

Hmm... added some code to put the smilies in, but I'm not liking the little box around the images. That didn't happen when I previewed it. Hmm.... not sure if I'll keep them or not.

Does anyone else think or write (handwrite/print) with smilies and internet lingo? I can't handwrite a note or letter without adding happy faces and LOL's, etc. It's pretty bad.... and I think that way, too. :P

I feel like I should update, but there doesn't seem to be much to say....

Sheldon went snowboarding this past weekend -- school trip to Fernie, B.C. They had a great time, and he came back all in one piece.... lol. Always a good thing. ;-)

Chatted on the phone with my girl last night. Did I mention that she got a part time job? Can't remember. Anyway, she got a part time job... haha. She's working some evenings and weekends at Chapters (large bookstore chain). For someone who loves books, you'd think it would be perfect!!! She's not really one for working in retail -- as she's discovered -- and she was finding it pretty boring at first, but I think it's going okay. She's only been there a couple of weeks, and they had her cashing out four tills on her own yesterday. They seem to like her. She's saving up all the money from this job for her Australia trip.

It finally feels like spring! Let's just hope it lasts. It has been so nice the past few days. Today was just gorgeous, with the sun shining and the snow melting. I went for a walk this afternoon (dodging the puddles), and might go again tonight when I'm done posting this.

Not really anything new on my grandma. A couple of my aunts went with her to the doctor last week, to make sure some things are being taken care of. She got a pain patch to help control the pain she's been having, and other medicine to help with the nausea, so she's been able to eat better. The rest of the family stuff... I'm trying not to let it bother me (at least at the moment!).

If anyone is so inclined, prayers for one of my best friends and her family would be appreciated. She is caring for her elderly dad in her home, and he is dying of lung cancer. It's really, really hard on her and she is pretty overwhelmed, to say the least.

I hate cancer. :-(

Think I'll go for that walk......

Edit: I think I'm going to buy a new bike soon. I've been saying that for the past couple of years... lol. Now I really do need a new one. They should be on sale soon. :-)

Family

A serious illness in the family seems to bring to the forefront all those issues and dysfunction that people have managed to avoid/bury/ignore for years. My family has members who have cut each other off at various times in the past (and in the present), and there are alot of secrets and numerous sides to every story -- to the point where I have no idea what is truth. I sort of feel like I'm expected to take sides, and I can't do that. I listen when people talk, but I try to stay out of it. Not only do I not want to take sides, but I simply can't -- it's all so messed up, I don't know who or what to believe. People may have been able to ignore each other or the issues at one time, but now they are being thrown together whether they want to be or not, and it's rather ugly. Unfortunately, it's bound to get uglier. At a time when we should be drawing closer to each other, they are instead driving one another further apart. It's not what my grandma would want. In fact, no one is telling her of the difficulties, because she would be very upset that they are fighting, and she absolutely does not need that now.

I hope for reconciliation, but I tend to think that it won't happen. I know I should be hopeful instead of negative, but I've seen this go on for so many years that I don't have alot of hope of things changing. I think what will happen is they will get through this time ahead, and then once again go their own ways.

Some of the family are going with my grandma to her next doctor appointment. She won't ask questions to make sure that things are being managed well, so others will have to take charge. She's starting having some pain, and she has lost so much weight. :-(

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Currently playing: Great Are You ~ downhere

Basketball

Sheldon's basketball team played in Regional Playoffs this weekend (out of town). They lost their game last night, but won today. Unfortunately, though, because they lost last night they are now out of the playoffs. Disappointing, but I think they were pretty excited and pleased to have made it to Regionals.

The girls' team hosted Regionals here in town this weekend, and won both their games, advancing to Hoopla -- which is the Provincial Playoffs, a pretty big deal!

Online Lenten Devotional

Journey to the Cross

I had a really nice conversation with my grandma last night on the phone -- for about an hour and a half. Only the second time we've talked in the last year, but I think I've worked through much that was hindering our relationship. I'm glad I called her (finally).

My aunt called me tonight. Again, a really good chat. Both conversations brought some much needed healing, and I feel good about things.

It's positive

My grandma definitely has pancreatic cancer. :-(

Waiting for news about my grandma

(Decided to edit this post somewhat.)

Some of you will have already read about this (briefly) on the boards, but I decided to post here, too. I found out yesterday that there is strong possibility that my grandma has cancer -- we are waiting for results. I've posted prayer requests for her before... she has very painful arthritis in her shoulder, she had hip replacement some years ago but was recently having major problems with the one hip and there was the possibility of another hip replacement there. However, she also has heart problems that are a factor in whether to have surgery.

She had been doing better as far as the hip was concerned, but the shoulder was still extremely painful and I believe she was on some strong medication for that. She's lost a fair amount of weight, and my mom took her shopping a few weeks ago because she wanted some new clothes that fit better. What I didn't know until yesterday was that she hasn't been able to eat much, and that combined with the weight loss was of concern to her doctor. He sent her for tests, and then she got a call at 8:00 yesterday morning that they needed her to come back in again for more tests. She has a cyst on her pancreas.... but they won't know if it is cancerous until it's removed, and I'm not sure when that is going to happen, she is just waiting at this point. She told my mom that if it is cancer, she will not have any treatments (she'll be 87 this May).

*~*~*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Mountain of God ~ Third Day

I hate numbers and accounting and budgets and all of that stuff!!! Blech! It's not even that I'm poor in math, cuz I'm not, but accounting/recordkeeping/etc. just drives me bonkers. Stresses me out. Some work-related stuff is totally stressing me out. Blahhhhhh.

*Takes a deep breath* Okay, I'm done venting for the moment. :-P

I have such a busy week ahead, between meetings and church services and suppers and other various things. I don't like weeks like that. I used to run like that all the time, but I don't like doing it anymore. Must be getting old.... lol.

Talked to my girl for awhile tonight. She's making plans to go to Australia this fall -- hopefully she can work it all out. She's applying for a passport here right away, and is looking for a second job in order to save up the money she needs (she has some saved already). Man, I will miss her tons, but it will be a great experience for her.

She got notice this week that she has to move out of her place by the end of May. She rents a basement suite, the house is being sold and the new owners do not want to rent it out. So she'll have to find someplace else for a few months until she goes to Australia. What a pain, but I'm sure it will work out okay.

Anyway, must go to bed -- and I'll try not stress too much tomorrow. ;-)

Not much to update, but I'll try...

I was gone for a couple of days -- I had a library workshop out of town. It was alright. Most of the sessions were stuff I already knew (digital cameras, scanners, some online databases, etc.), so at times it was kind of boring, but outside of that it was a fun time. They fed us well, and the fellowship was great. And it was all expenses paid, including getting my regular pay for both days. If nothing else, it was a nice break from work... ;-)

I've been talking with some HQ staff about setting up a message board for our library region -- this came about after discussion of some methods of effective communication. I've set up a sample one for them to have a look at, and we're talking about setting up a permanent one. I love this stuff, and my experience with the other board(s) has served me well. I'm excited about setting this one up. (I'm such a dork... lol.)

I'm going to do my income tax this weekend. It shouldn't take long, I just need to get at it. :-P

That's it for now... have a great weekend!

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: When the Night Feels My Song ~ Bedouin Soundclash

I am quite annoyed with iWebTunes, which is what I was using to add music to my blog. (I had videos before from another site, but that seemed to be loaded with popups so I scrapped it.) I can't log into iWebTunes -- it keeps telling me I haven't verified my registration (which I've done numerous times), then even after I've verified it -- yet again -- it won't let me log in. I even tried registering a new account, and it tells me that it has sent my verification email, but I've never received it. I'm not impressed at all. >:-(

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Currently playing: Flawed Design ~ Stabilo

Flawed Design

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. :-)

Hug someone you love today -- whether it be a "significant other", a child, a parent, a friend.... someone needs a hug and needs to know that you love them.

I send out *virtual hugs* to each of you. You guys are awesome, and you are loved. Thank you for your friendship, your love, your support, your laughter, your tears.... I appreciate you more than you can ever know.

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: Sunlight ~ DJ Sammy :-)

"May we exist like a lotus, At home in the muddy water. Thus we bow to life as it is."

The lotus, a symbol of Buddhism, grows in water, and appears to float on the surface. In reality, though, its long stem holds the flower just above the water. As the water moves, it tugs on the stem, so that the blossom seems to bow.

The sermon at church yesterday related to this concept of "being at home in muddy water"-- that may seem strange to some, because it is from Zen Buddhism. But I found it very interesting.

There was reference to the book "At Home in the Muddy Water: A Guide to Finding Peace within Everyday Chaos" and an experiment that is described to demonstrate this concept of finding peace within the chaos....

If you take a glass of water and add mud to it, the mud will eventually settle to the bottom of the glass, and the top of the water will be clear. But if you stir it up, the water becomes muddy and unclear throughout -- chaotic in a sense. Stop stirring it up, let it calm down, and the mud will again settle. It is still there, but it is not permeating everything. There is clarity, there is peace, even though the mud -- the troubles, the difficulties, the grief, the uncertainty, etc. -- is still there. Being at home in the muddy water is about being able to live in the moment -- not in the past, not in the future, neither stirring up things from the past nor worrying about the future -- but being able to find peace in this moment. To me that doesn't mean that you avoid or ignore those things, but that you can find peace even within them.

I don't know if I am explaining this as well as I had hoped (sometimes the things in my head don't come out properly when I try to put them into words). I wish I would taken notes of the sermon, because there were a number of things that I wanted to remember, but as always they escape me within a short time.

It's still Friday... ;-)

Sheldon's basketball tournament started tonight. His first game was at 7:00 -- they won, 80-35. Nice! :-) I have to work tomorrow, but will still be able to make his other two games. I'm making soup tonight for the canteen tomorrow, and he and I have to work at the canteen from 9:30-11:00 a.m. His next game is at 11:30, so I'll get to see about half of it before I have to go to work, and then his final game is at 7:00, so that gives me plenty of time after work. I was worried I might not see him play much -- with most of his games out of town this season and me working, I've barely made it to a game. I don't like that.

His birthday is tomorrow, so we gotta find time to celebrate that, too. ;-)

His birthday fell during the home tournament last year, too... that was a rough time... I'm glad that things are different this year for me. I hope that they are okay for him. And I hope his dad makes it to the tournament this year, and sees him on his birthday......

~~~~~

I'm listening to some Rich Mullins tonight. (Thanks, John!) It's been a long time since I listened to Rich -- I need to do so more often. I'm thinking that I should add him to my iPod. ;-)

I'm going to have to go find a snack. The smell of soup cooking is making me terribly hungry... lol.

Have a great weekend, my friends! :-)

*~*~*~*~
Currently playing: Let Mercy Lead ~ Rich Mullins

I feel like a fake.

For so many years, church was such a big part of my life. I taught Sunday School for 15 years, I was involved with a healing ministry for a number of years, participated in and led Bible study for years, was involved with youth stuff -- and heavily involved in and devoted to Teens Encounter Christ -- taught and helped with Vacation Bible School, participated in nearly every ecumenical service, have been on local and parish church council for many years, took numerous lay ministry training workshops, led (and still lead) some Sunday services, and so on and so on and so on......

I don't say all of that to boast, I hope it doesn't come across that way. The thing is... so much has changed. That stuff -- for the most part -- doesn't matter to me anymore. Church in general doesn't matter to me. I feel like I'm just going through the motions most of the time. It's not my basic faith, but the rest of it. Some things I just don't do any more, and other things I do because of a sense of obligation more than anything. My heart is not in it. Do I continue to fake it, and maybe some day I will find the heart for those things again? It gets harder all the time...

Some of it has to do with just being burned out -- too many years of the same stuff, with less and less people to carry the load. Some of it has to do with being "burned" -- from people I thought I should have been able to count on. It has left with me with an "I just don't care anymore" attitude.

And it's left me confused and uncertain... and hurt. One of my main reasons for sticking it out has been because I don't want to abandon one of my best friends when she is needing the support (and she's feeling overwhelmed and burned out herself). But it doesn't feel right any more. I don't know if I can keep doing it.

*sigh*

I think I need some chocolate.... :-P

(As depressing as all this sounds, life in general is good. This is just my angst of the moment... lol. ;-) )

I always dislike this time of year.... financial and annual reports for work, annual meetings for work and church, and some of the junk that seems to go with that.

I won't say much about work, except that there's some stress related to the need to find a new treasurer for the library board. Have to leave it at that, as this is a public blog...

Every year I dread annual meeting time for our church. Well, I didn't used to -- but for the last few years I have. I really have to make a decision about whether to stay on in my current position. I haven't particularily wanted to have it for the past couple of years, but there are so very few of us that I end up feeling "obligated", and that is not a good reason to be there. I've stayed in this position more as a support to a friend than because it's either where I want to be or think I should be. I'd feel bad to leave her without support, and at this time I'm really unsure as to whether anyone else would be willing to fill the position. Blah...... I don't know what to do. I don't *feel* like it's where I want to be. I think I got burned out. Among other things. *sigh*

Sheldon should have his car fixed this weekend. Poor kid has been waiting for over 3 weeks. At least it wasn't as bad as they first expected. He's going to help his dad with it in the morning.

He's got a busy week coming up, between semester finals, a Nickelback concert (which, had I known that Live was opening for them...!!! I would have loved to have gone. Not that he'd have wanted his mother there! lol), work, his home basketball tournament on Friday/Saturday, and his 17th birthday on Saturday. ;-) I think I'm going to go to Saskatoon on Monday to get the rest of his birthday present and do some other shopping.

So yeah.... that's about it for an update from me.... lol. :-P

*~*~*~*

Currently playing: You're Beautiful ~ James Blunt

Happy New Year!

I'm back...... :-D

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and I wish you all a wonderful New Year!

I had a fantastic holiday season. I've been on vacation since December 24th, I go back to work tomorrow.... blech. I always hate going back after vacation.

Chantelle got home on December 23rd. It was so great to have her home. :-) The kids spent Christmas Eve with their dad and that side of the family. More relatives than usual were home for Christmas this year, so that was cool for them. They had a good time. Chantelle, Sheldon and I went to church that night -- one of my favorite services of the year. Love it!

Christmas Day was quiet, but very relaxing and very nice. We slept in -- we are all night owls, lol. We opened gifts and just kinda lazed around a bit, I got the turkey in the oven for supper, and we played some board games in the afternoon, including our annual round of Trivial Pursuit. I think we need an easier version..... hahaha. Of course, there was the obligatory munching of goodies and snacks while playing games. ;-) It was a wonderful day -- I am so very thankful for my kids, and for the time we had all together. They are awesome. :-)

Chantelle went to Winnipeg to visit friends for New Year's. She planned to leave on the 28th, but things didn't work out as planned, and she left on the morning of the 29th instead.

And speaking of plans not working out..... in the end they did, but they started off with a big hitch. I went on vacation after Christmas -- to Arizona for a week. Or almost a week. I was supposed to fly out on the 28th, but unfortunately on the way to Saskatoon (an hour away), Sheldon's car broke down!!! We managed to get back to a nearby town to call home (no cell). He ended up having to get it towed back to town, and I had to get Robbie to come pick us up and try to get me to Saskatoon in time for my flight. We hit snow and unbelievable traffic jams in Saskatoon, and when I got to the airport, the flight was just departing. Arrggghhhhh........ So frustrating.

I spent the next hour making new arrangements for a flight the next morning, being told that the plane hadn't left after all (weather delay) and that they'd get me on the flight -- but all my info in the computer had to be changed back (since I was now booked for a different flight), and that took FOREVER. They finally got it done and were about to send me to the plane (my luggage was already sent), only to be told that the plane had just left!!!!! After they had promised me that it wouldn't leave without me. Man....... what a stressful day!!!!

I ended up getting put back onto the flight for the following morning, and staying in Saskatoon overnight at my dad's. Had to be at the airport at 5:00 a.m., and there was no way I was going back home! lol

My vacation itself was awesome. :-D I got home a little after 2:00 this morning -- coming from Saskatoon in dense fog. So I slept in this morning and am being lazy today -- my last day before work. Just unpacking and doing some laundry, catching up on emails/boards/blogs, etc. At some point I need to take the Christmas tree down, but not today. :-P

Gonna call my girl tonight and see how her time in Winnipeg went. :-)

*~*~*

Currently playing: Always There ~ Todd Agnew

(can't wait to get my iPod updated with all my music :-D )