I am generally a pretty forgiving person. But sometimes, I let certain things really get to me, and I know I shouldn't. Not even big stuff, but stupid stuff that in the long run doesn't really matter. So why do I let it bug me? Why do I go back to it, letting it irritate me over and over again? I suppose because the situation never really gets resolved, just shelved for a little while. I should learn to step away. Blahh....

This next ramble is not about me in particular, but is more of an observation about self-forgiveness.

Forgiveness... not an easy concept alot of the time. Forgiveness not only of others, but of ourselves. I think that for some people, that is the hardest, forgiveness of self. Without it, there isn't peace. Without it, we only punish ourselves. Our wounds do not heal. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what was done or said or whatever was "okay". It means that we accept that it happened, we accept the consequences and deal with them, and we release the guilt we feel. And with it, the pain. But so often we don't feel worthy of forgiveness, and I think that we can withhold it as a way to subconsciously punish ourselves. We may think that in forgiving ourselves we are not holding ourselves accountable, that we are "letting ourselves off the hook", or that we are somehow justifying what we've done. We are still accountable, but we need to know that we are still worthy and loveable and acceptable -- that we are human, and we make mistakes.

Forgiveness is an act of love. It's hard to forgive ourselves if we don't love ourselves. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it often takes great strength to forgive. Unforgiveness causes so much hurt, so much pain.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting. It is about not bringing up the issue to yourself over and over again in a negative way. It is about letting it go so that you can move on in a healthy and positive way.

The negative energy involved in holding onto our guilt is draining, exhausting. And when we hold onto our guilt, we hold onto anger.... and often that anger is turned toward others. So we can end up hurting other people as a result. But most of all, we hurt ourselves -- physically by how it affects our health, and mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

When we cannot forgive ourselves, we carry this heavy weight with us all the time. If we can forgive, we can put down that weight down and leave it behind us. Like a piece of heavy luggage -- do we want to carry that around with us, to live with the pain of doing so, or do we want to release our grip on it and feel the weight lifted? Can we give ourselves permission to heal?

Sometimes we don't receive forgiveness from someone we have hurt even after we have apologized and done our best to make amends, but hopefully we can find it within our own hearts to forgive ourselves. For only through forgiveness can we find the peace we long for.

We can't change the past, but we can change how we deal with the present. It is not easy, but it can be done... and with others who love us walking by our side, the seemingly impossible may seem just a little bit easier.