Just rambling thoughts....

We've lost a number of our elderly library patrons in the past few years. One of my favorite old fellows has recently become sick and was diagnosed with liver cancer. He's almost 93 I think, so they won't be putting him through any kind of rigorous treatment, he will just be made as comfortable as possible. I really hate to lose him, he is just the sweetest old man. I've noticed him steadily declining for some time now, both physically and mentally. He is almost blind, but still takes out large print books and reads them with a special magnifying glass. He was in the library today, with his granddaughter. I was suprised, I hadn't expected him to be out. He looks so fragile, his skin is yellow and he is so thin.... I hope he doesn't suffer, but goes quietly and gently, just as he lived life. *sigh*

Our church's annual meeting is on Sunday. Ugh. I've come to dread annual meetings and church government/conflict/etc. in general. The loss of Donna is going to be felt immensely. She was always our "mediator", the level-headed, diplomatic one who could handle the conflicts, etc. with such grace. I miss her......

Music is so powerful, isn't it? I have a bunch of songs from various CD's that I saved on my computer here at work, and as they play certain songs remind me of certain people, or situations, or just bring up various feelings. Joy, sadness, longing, a touch of God's love and grace. Music reaches me on a level that nothing else does, it is often my strongest connection to God. He has reached me so many times through music, bringing me healing and renewal, breaking me down and then lifting me back up again. Revealing His love to me. There are certain songs that I turn to when I am feeling down, knowing that they will probably make me cry, but needing that I guess, for a time. Some songs I associate with a specific time or place or event and the memories that surround them, others are ones that I share with certain people and in hearing them there is a special connection. I can't imagine living without music. What must it be like to lose that through the loss of hearing, or to never know it? So much that we just take for granted....

I think life changes once you hit 40, I really do. I didn't think so at the time, but looking back now on the past couple of years, I can see huge changes. Sometimes I'm not sure who I am anymore. Or maybe it's just that I never really did know who I was and am now finding out. Sometimes change is hard, but I have to trust that it is for the better.

I think I've caught John's ADHD.... lol. Talk about random thoughts........ :-P